the crazy feeling continues but i am making progress in reaching my goals. more applications done for new jobs, days spent out rather than rotting, ect.
often im being too harsh on myself but then i remember my reality and feel insecure about who i am. i feel like i should be doing more now, should have done more in the past. but i guess i got somethings going for me. this is all speaking in like "talent" term or resume shit. i love where i am and i love my partner, i love my friends. i should be better about reaching out and keeping up with them. i just wish in the past i had kept myself working up. i cant complain because i am basically working for myself now but i always have the nag in the back of my head of a "when is the rug gonna be pulled out" type thing. not the way to go about thinking thats prob whats making me feel crazy. been wondering if i should go to a therapist again and prob should. dont have the money tho right now. once i secure some funds that will be something i will seek.
went to a really nice park. maybe i'll put a pic in here. ive found the more time i spend outdoors the happier i am, i should be focusing on finding a way to combine work talents with that love for being outside. ive applied to jobs where i'll primarily be working out doors which will be really cool.
media consumed: beat smt v v and really loved it. i forget how much i enjoy those games. do feel guilty about sinking too much time into it but in the end does that even matter? i enjoyed it. maybe ill jot some thoughts on it in the media thoughts part of site. watched the 3rd season of the bear and enjoyed it, not as good as second season but i cannot understand why people are hating on it as hard as they are? this season felt like a better version of the first? if you were able to get through the first and not hate it why this one? felt like a overly drawn out setup to season 4 which, i mean, im not crazy about the way it ended but still feels like they got it. still has that anxiety panic-ey feeling that i love so regardless im looking forward to it. gave the first episode of the boys a watch and enjoyed it. havent seen enough to form an opinon besides 'need to watch more!'
tattoo is healing nicely